小站名师之雅思写作救命稻草系列1：9分作文是怎么炼成的

Task 2: Students from rural areas often find it difficult to access university education. Some people think that universities should make higher education easier for them to access. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Write at least 250 words

学生作文批改（红字为修改部分）

It is difficult for students form countryside to receive higher education in recent years. Some people reckon that universities should try to make university education more easily accessible to students from rural areas. I totally agree with their view.

（开头简单明了，换词准确到位）

Firstly, students from rural areas cannot access higher education due to financial challenges. The average income of rural families is significant lower than those from urban families; parents usually earn money by farming or other manual labors. This means that rural parents are not able to provide their children with enough money to cover university tuition costs. （非常完美，没的好改的，观点到位，表达清晰）

Secondly, the poor background of rural students contributes to the difficulty of attending universities. Primary and secondary schools in rural schools are shortage(lacking) in teaching equipment and teaching staff. There are even no schools in rural areas, the literacy rate are often low. It is hard for the local government to build schools with advanced equipment and pay for professional teachers.（全文字数已经太多，建议删掉这一句。和前面的意思重复）Consequently, students in these schools(the countryside 这里考虑换个词) have poor education background, they cannot gain enough score in the college entrance exams when competing with those who study in the urban areas.（最好解释下是大学入学考试，否则考官看不懂）

表示缺乏可以用：have a shortage of , be short in ,be lack of ,be lacking in ,insufficient …

However, there are many things for the government and universities to do to help students from rural areas. The government should supply(raise) the funds to build schools and pay for teachers, and make education compulsory for all students in rural areas. In addition, universities should take the rural students’ educational background into consideration to ensure that a fair number of rural students can be admitted.

（观点很具体，措施很实际）

In conclusion, not only the financial problems but also the poor background leads to this phenomenon. Moreover, the government and universities should work together to ensure that students from rural areas have the opportunities to fulfill their potentials through higher education.

点评：该文的文风很清新，没有太过华丽的词语，但是表达十分精确到位，是一篇很符合雅思高分作文评判标准的美文，语法错误极少，完全不影响阅读，可以忽略不计，观点表达鲜明到位，可惜就是字数略微多了一点，如果能将全文丰富的内容精炼到270个字以内就能得到更高的分数。现在的话7分是肯定有的。

小站B老师范文

Over the years, the halo of the university seemed never be really prevailing in the rural areas. For the students lived in the countryside, who were suffered for years by being called “The clumsy clodhopper”, the golden vault of university has never been accessible to them. However, I reckon that it’s not only responsibility of those schools of high learning but also the government to facilitate their paths to a better education.

用比喻的方式引出大背景，然后提出自己的观点：不但是高等学府，政府也需要担当起给乡村学生创造更好学习条件的重担

The very spirit of university is to provide an equal entrance opportunity to students who meet the admission requirements. If the students in the rural high schools couldn’t arm themselves with the adequate and profound knowledge, they are surly not welcomed to any university. Nevertheless, in the current context and condition, it’s a paradox that no matter how hard they tried, many of them could still not embrace the fruit of advanced knowledge due to certain aspects like a humble birth and lower quality of pre-college learning.

提出大学教育的精神这个大点以及现实生活中乡村学生就算再努力也很难获得好的教育的现状

In this case, the universities alone are not that helpful. The government and any other social communities should cooperate with each other to aid those rural students. Although it’s unfair to lower the qualification for them, some counter-measures should be taken for the sake of a better pre-college learning which could enable them to compete with the urban students in the same platform.

提出平等入学原则不能动摇，但是政府和地方机构必须有所作为帮助那些穷学生提高大学学前教育的重要性

Moreover, for those qualified rural students but have problems to pay the tuition fees, relevant compensations and scholarships should be carried out too by raising of some sorts of “Brilliant humble student’s funds” in order to encourage them financially and spiritually.

其他援助方式的提出

In conclusion, the university itself could carry some portion of this great endeavor on its own shoulder. But the most part should be done by the government and social communities.

再次点题和自己的中心观点