SAT写作官方样题高分范文：Let there be dark（3）

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Sample Student Essays of “Let There Be Dark.” ©2012 by Los Angeles Times. Originally published December 21, 2012.

Scores: 222

In Paul Bogard’s essay “Let there be Dark” he emphasizes the importance of natural darkness. Bogard begins his argument by first providing a story from his personal experience, appealing to the reader by adding imagery. “I knew night skies in which meteors left smoky trails across sugary spreads of stars.” In this sentence, Bogard depicts the beauty of natural darkness using detail. Bogard continues with comparing his personal perspective of natural darkness in the past to society’s perspective in the present. “Today, though, when we feel the closeness of night fall, we reach quickly for a light switch.” Implying that the times have definitely changed and natural darkness’s value has been lost in society, replaced with artificial light. This example gives Bogard a sense of voice and his use of comparison is definitely effective.

Bogard supports his claims about natural darkness’s underrated value by providing the reader with evidence of health problems that the opposite replacement, artificial light, can cause. “Our bodies need darkness to produce the hormone melatonin, which keeps certain cancers from developing.” Oh, no! Not cancer! Right there is a quick attention grabber to any reader previously bored by Bogard’s constant opinions because now there are facts, and a fact relating to the reader is the best persuasion, especially when it relates to there health or well-being. Cancer, because who wants a terminal illness over an action as simple as flipping a switch on a night light when it’s too dark for your comfort?

This response scored a 2/2/2.

Reading—2: This writer demonstrates some comprehension of the passage. In the first paragraph, the writer conveys the passage’s broad central point—the importance of natural darkness. The writer also shows an understanding of the comparison Bogard draws between his own past and the present day (the times have definitely changed and natural darkness’s value has been lost in society, replaced with artificial light). In the paragraph that follows, the writer briefly cites Bogard’s point about the negative health implications of too much artificial light. However, this is the last evidence of understanding the writer provides, as the essay ends almost immediately afterward. Overall, the writer has demonstrated partial understanding of the source text.

Analysis—2: The response offers some limited analysis of the source text, demonstrating partial understanding of the analytical task. The writer identifies Bogard’s use of imagery in the story of meteors in the night sky and then asserts that this imagery appeals to reader, but the writer offers no further discussion of Bogard’s use of imagery or how imagery contributes to his argument. The writer also refers to the comparison Bogard makes between his youth and current times and says that the comparison gives Bogard a sense of voice, but the writer doesn’t explain why this comparison contributes to an authorial voice or how establishing a particular voice serves Bogard’s argument. The writer offers one additional point of analysis, asserting that Bogard’s reference to cancer is a quick attention grabber and that the use of a fact relating to the reader is the best persuasion, especially when it relates to there health or well-being. However, the writer does not elaborate on this point. In each instance of analysis in this short response, the writer identifies the use of evidence or rhetorical features, but asserts rather than explains the importance of those elements. Overall, this response demonstrates partially successful analysis.

Writing—2: This response demonstrates limited cohesion and some skill in the use of language. Although the writer offers a central claim that guides the essay, there is no indication of an introduction or conclusion to frame ideas. Overall, sentences are clear and the writer generally observes the conventions of standard written English. However, by the end of this short response, the writer has deviated from a formal style and objective tone (Oh, no! Not cancer! Right there is a quick attention grabber to any reader previously bored by Bogard’s constant opinions). The essay abruptly concludes with a rhetorical question that also somewhat strays from a formal tone (Cancer, because who wants a terminal illness over an action as simple as flipping a switch on a night light when it’s too dark for your comfort?). On the whole, this response offers some evidence of cohesion and control of language.