雅思写作批改实录 5分到7分的变身

题目

Some people think that people can not benefit from international travel. Why is this case? How can people improve their understanding of other countries?

学生习作

Nowadays, life quality has been improved. Many people choose go travel abroad, but some people think that is not benefit from travel to the other counties. In my opinion, international travel is the best way to understanding other countries.

Personally, some people think why people cannot benefit from international travel is they might never go travel abroad. Travel is my favorite thing. I have been travel to 10 countries. I met a lot interesting things for every times travel, although the countrywhich I go there for the second time. I totally disagree people just use book or Internet to understand the other counties.

Firstly, before I went to Singapore, I knew the official language in Singapore is English, but when I been there I found Singaporean usually speak Singlish. Singlish is the language that include English, Cantonese, Hokkien and Malay. For example they call milk tea ‘Teh’ and coffee as ‘kopi’. I haven’t known that on the book or Internet before I went to Singapore. The overseas information are very limit on the book or internet and the most book has similar content to describe a country. We have to stay their to real understanding the local customs and habits. Secondly, the process of travel is the best moment for me. I can taste the special local food and I can social with local people to know the country better. I prefer independent travel to guide tour. The time and schedule is freer for Independent travel.

Admittedly, book and Internet are both the good way for people to understanding other counties. But real travel to the counties can know the local culture more understanding.

评分：5

点评：围绕题目要求，结合自己经历，因此内容比较充实，具体。基本能够用英语表达自己的意思，词汇使用显示出一定的幅度，但无论词汇使用和复杂句型使用，都出现了较多错误，有些甚至影响了理解。

建议：进一步练习英语句子的基本结构，确保先不犯大的语法错误。在用汉语思考的时候，想办法将比较复杂的汉语转化为更简单的汉语，然后用英语去表达。多练习写，并请人修订语法错误，总结出自己错误倾向，并专门予以改正。

预期：该生有一定基础，有一定写作能力，只要减少句子写作错误，有机会冲击6分或者6.5分。

修改版

Nowadays, life quality has been improved. Many people choose go travel abroad, but some people think that is not benefit from travel to the other counties. In my opinion, international travel is the best way to understanding other countries.

Nowadays, life quality has been improved. Many people choose to go travel abroad, but some people think they do not benefit from travel to other countries. In my opinion, international travel is the best way to understand other countries.

Personally, some people think why people cannot benefit from international travel is they might never go travel abroad. Travel is my favorite thing. I have been travel to 10 countries. I met a lot interesting things for every times travel, although the countrywhich I go there for the second time. I totally disagree people just use book or Internet to understand the other counties.

Personally, I think the reason why people think they cannot benefit from international travel is that they have never gone abroad. Travel is my favorite thing. I have traveledto 10 countries. I met a lot of interesting things during my travel, even when I went to a country for the second time. I totally disagree that people just use books or Internet to understand other countries.

Firstly, before I went to Singapore, I knew the official language in Singapore is English, but when I been there I found Singaporean usually speak Singlish. Singlish is the language that include English, Cantonese, Hokkien and Malay. For example they call milk tea ‘Teh’ and coffee as ‘kopi’. I haven’t known that on the book or Internet before I went to Singapore. The overseas information are very limit on the book or internet and the most book has similar content to describe a country. We have to stay their to real understanding the local customs and habits. Secondly, the process of travel is the best moment for me. I can taste the special local food and I can social with local people to know the country better. I prefer independent travel to guide tour. The time and schedule is freer for Independent travel.

For example, before I went to Singapore, I knew that official language in Singapore is English, but when i visited this country i found Singaporean usually speak Singlish,which is a language that combines English, Cantonese, Hokkien and Malay. For example, they call tea ‘Teh’ and coffee “kopi”. I had not known that on books or Internet before I went to Singapore. The information is usually very limited on books or Internet and they often offer similar information about a country, so we have to stay in a foreign country in order to really understand the local customs and styles. In addition, when I am traveling, I can taste the special local food and I can social with local people to know the country better.

Admittedly, book and Internet are both the good way for people to understanding other counties. But real travel to the counties can know the local culture more understanding.

Admittedly, books and Internet are both the good ways for people to understand other countries, yet traveling to these countries in person, we will know, feel and taste their authentic culture.