盘点雅思写作大作文之7宗罪（中）

雅思写作是极难的，要提高也是极不容易的，6分是一个大槛，大部分烤鸭会被卡于此。而以上，每0.5分都是一个不小的槛。究其原因，是烤鸭们多少都带着中式写作教育下的原罪。本文将一一对其进行案例解读，进行雅思写作必经的赎罪之旅。

4. 语法问题遍布

语法错误，可以说是所有缠绕烤鸭的痼疾中最难以根除杀伤力最持久的一项，被许多烤鸭所忽视，但是事实上，对雅思写作的成绩具有致命威胁的一宗罪。

还是看实例，大家可以一起来找茬

Last but not least, those who lacks skills to deal with people and fails to control their emotions would more likely to form prejudice during their international travel. It is a common situation to get cheated by people there for the reason of ignorance of local situation. Necessarily, open-minded is required to deal with unjudged treatments. Otherwise the bad memories would not only affect the journey but lead to the prejudice towards all the citizens of the place.

再来看结果

Last but not least, those who lacks(lack) skills to deal with people and fails(fail) to control their emotions would (be)more likely to form prejudice during their international travel. It is a common situation to get cheated by people there for the reason of ignorance of local situation. Necessarily, open-minded(open-mindedness) is required to deal with unjudged(这个词是什么意思?unfair吧?)treatments. Otherwise the bad memories would not only affect the journey but lead to the prejudice towards all the citizens of the place.

语法和词汇是语言的两大基石。在雅思的写作中，所有渴望高分的烤鸭无不希望能有一双让自己自由翱翔的翅膀。可是很多时候，语法基础的薄弱，让不少人在尝试复杂句型时频频出错，而另一方面，最基础的一些语法，如名词单复数，冠词，动词时态等又时常被很多人忽视，于是一篇用词屌屌，思路涛涛，自我感觉甚好的文章被打入6—的冷宫时，某些人可能还不知罪在何处。

因为有些逛外文论坛的经验，跟国内论坛进行，国人在遣词造句时，对语法的要求真的是很low，各种错字，错词，莫名其妙的表达层出不穷，而我们大都淡然。所以，这种随意也自然地在很多人的作文中得到了体现。学好语法，重视语法，只会让自己的雅思备考之路越走越宽。

5. 实例代替论证

用实例代替论证，简而言之，就是主体段在观点句之后，用一个实际的例子完成了所有的论证。请看实例。

还是关于“老一辈的传统观念是否还适用于现在的社会”的话题

①However, not all past views are proper. Some of them have limitation themselves initially. Typical example is the traditional view of gender. In the past, women are regarded as a role that can only assist men instead of being independent. This traditional view results to an unequal position between man and women no matter in education or job market. This, actually, hinders the development of our society. The main reason is that it ignores females’ special talent and limits females to contribute to the world. Nowadays, increasing amount of women start to fight with this unfair views and it definitely benefit our world.

②The virtual of trust and credit could be another vivid example to demonstrate the significance of traditional values. In the past, people would make every effort to keep their promises and try to bean honest one. In comparison, people currently become more practical and put less attention on morality. It can be easily heard from the media about the news of cheating and many critics have created a new term of crisis of trust between people. Consequently, there is no doubt to refute these old yet precious ideas.

①当中，共8句话，从第3句话开始，全部是实例。②更夸张，整段都是实例。

有些人写作，举不出例子，有些人写作，能用例子来代替论证，真是有些无奈。这其实也说明了雅思写作的难与模式化。

用实例贯穿整个主体段，从根本原因来说，大约是思辨能力不够，无法对这个话题展开更多的纯粹思辨过程。所以，平时多对雅思的话题进行正反两方面的思考，同时注意收集素材，十分重要。

有考官曾向人祭出了他的超级写作模板，13句诀。粗看实在让人难以置信，但是，满分作文，就是这么这么写出来的。

他说：It surprises some people when I tell them that they only need to write 13 sentences for writing task 2:

Introduction(开头段): 2句

First main body paragraph(主体段1): 5 句

Second main body paragraph(主体段2): 5 句

Conclusion(结尾): 1 句

Please note: It is not a 'rule' that you must write 13 sentences. This is just my approach or method.

对于他的主体段的5句，也可以再细分一下：观点句1+支撑句2+例子2

索性贴一篇他的9分作文吧：

People have different views about whether we are more or less dependent on others nowadays. In my view, modern life forces us to be more independent than people were in the past.

There are two main reasons why it could be argued that we are more dependent on each other now. Firstly, life is more complex and difficult, especially because the cost of living has increased so dramatically. For example, young adults tend to rely on their parents for help when buying a house. Property prices are higher than ever, and without help it would be impossible for many people to pay a deposit and a mortgage. Secondly, people seem to be more ambitious nowadays, and they want a better quality of life for their families. This means that both parents usually need to work full-time, and they depend on support from grandparents and babysitters for child care.

However, I would agree with those who believe that people are more independent these days. In most countries, families are becoming smaller and more dispersed, which means that people cannot count on relatives as much as they used to. We also have more freedom to travel and live far away from our home towns. For example, many students choose to study abroad instead of going to their local university, and this experience makes them more independent as they learn to live alone. Another factor in this growing independence is technology, which allows us to work alone and from any part of the world.

In conclusion, while there are some reasons to believe that people now depend on each other more, my own view is that we are more independent than ever.

6. 强行同义替换

词汇的多样性，估计是许多雅思写作口语辅导书或者辅导班的老师跟烤鸭们提到的一条黄金律例了，它源于雅思官方提供的写作和口语的评分标准，所以，似乎是一条颠簸不破的真理。可是在真实的写作中，我经常感受到它的恶意。

请看实例：

话题：Some people believe that older generation’s traditional ideas are not the right way to live, think and behave in modern society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?(2008/01/19)

Past ideas are precious treasures of human beings. Although not every traditional idea can be used in modern community, many of them still have their reference value for the development of our society. In other words, if we follow these ideas in the properly on the basis of current situation, they still could pave the right way for us to think and live.

重点看past，community，还有pave the right way。较准确的表达可以是traditional, society, be a good guidance。

还有：It is the heritage of traditional opinions that enables us to be frugal for living materials, natural and social resources. 这句话的说理用上了heritage, enable，其实本身都没有问题，但是放在这，显得突兀。“传统观点”的遗产，使我们能够变得节约。一部分原因是作者把traditional ideas换成了traditional opinions，这其实不是无缝的同义替换。较好的表达可以是：Traditional ideas teach us to be frugal and always save for the future.

必须要指出很多烤鸭写作的一个重要误区：替换强迫症。或许你有在哪个辅导书里看到过说雅思小作文要会替换题设中的一些词汇。但是，如果本身读题时，就不能很精准的解读题目，再加上你对某些关键词汇的使用语域不清，导致你开篇导入话题时似乎就走在了偏题的路上了。

导入，一定要简洁，明了，让人一眼看到你的观点并且让人知道你是明白话题的全部内容的。

在同义词替换和照搬原词间，有时后者更好。

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